Are you giving off the vibe that you’re desperate, but don’t know it? Most people whether it’s friends or employers don’t respond well to those that are desperate. You can lose the respect of someone who you want to respect you by coming off as too needy. There’s also something in sales called the hunger breath where potential clients can sense your almost feverish desperation to get their business.
People want to feel desired and/or wanted. At the same time people want to know that they’re getting someone or something that is desirable to others. There are very few people that are going to go and be with someone they are almost certain no one else will ever want or want to do business with. Here are some tips you can try in your personal and professional life:
1.) Brag about yourself. Instead of saying to a potential client, “It would be great if you could help me out. I really need this deal.” Try a different angle. “I understand you have some concerns. Most of my clients have felt that_____(insert sales pitch).” You want to make it appear as though you have clients. If it’s your very first deal then stress the company’s clients. “Most of our clients______.” This gives the listener confidence that you have clients. Always a big plus. People don’t want to feel like you’re so desperate for a sale that you can’t feed your family without it even if that’s the truth.
2.) When it comes to relationships don’t use the term, “Most of my ex____.” Unlike business this won’t be a great term in your personal life. You want to avoid desperate terms. “I really need you to call me.” If someone isn’t calling you they’re either genuinely busy or not that into you. So avoid begging or whining. This adds to the sense that a person is desperate. Call them once, and then ask a direct question if they didn’t answer like, “Hey did you see that I called?” If they seem uncomfortable with answering then that means they did and just ignored you. If the person states they didn’t see the call then just inform them that you did. Either way move on and don’t dwell.
3.) Avoid appearing everywhere someone else is. This can be applied to a potential business client or relationship. Pursuing someone until they finally break down and say yes rarely works. You can try once or twice, but if they keep saying no you’re not going to charm them into a positive answer. The person may have said yes, but then you frightened them by appearing everywhere they went.
4.) Remain calm. Being passionate about a position or someone you care about is fine, but there is a time and a place for everything. Begging for a job or someone to go out with you doesn’t usually work out as an impressive statement unless there’s a reason they won’t date you. If they’re just not that interested you can change their mind with calm reasoning. Anything else rings the desperate bell.
5.) Texting. As a writer I suffer from just writing as much as I feel like. However, unless you know a person well don’t text them too many pages and paragraphs. Number one they can screen shot it with all their friends and misconstrue anything you say to make themselves appear cooler than they are. Number two, the person you text that much will think you’re too much especially if they were busy and didn’t check their phone until later. Seeing ten messages from one person is like whoa.
6.) Avoid over complimenting someone. Everyone wants to feel desirable, but save those nuggets for special moments. Too many compliments rings as insincere or plain old desperate. This is equally important in business and in personal relationships. A potential boss or client will see too many compliments as a desperate bid.
7.) Get a hobby. If you have more free time on your hands than the person you are dating or trying to date will be overwhelmed if you try to hang out with them when they are very busy. This goes for clients too. If you don’t have clients then pretend you do by acting like you were busy with them, and take time to get back to a potential client. Many companies teach you to call the client until you reach them. That’s professional stalking and will turn someone that may have been a serious investor away.
8.) Making friends doesn’t get easier as you get older. However, it gets harder if you’re the one friend paying for everything for everyone. There are very few people that will see that as kindness. They will see through your overzealous desire for friends and take advantage. It’s OK to just join a charitable organizations or a networking event to make friends. Don’t buy them. Real friends don’t get bought.
Kesi St Omer is a published author living in North Carolina.
Photo courtesy of Monique Prater [FLICKR]