Valentine’s Day is about expressing our feelings. For men, that’s not always easy. As the tired trope goes, men don’t like to express their feelings. If given the choice between death and an analysis of our relationship, we choose death.
In our pursuit of avoidance we resort to buying shiny items, indulging in high-caloric meals, and watching bromantic Seth Rogen films. We are emoting through our purchases and viewing habits, safely expressing ourselves at a distance.
But February 14th is the one day us men can’t get away from. To prevent going the entire year without talking about our relationships, some genius made this day in February a Hallmark holiday. Men now have to talk about love. It’s right there on the damn calendar.
So here it goes: I love my smartphone. There, I said it.
Why? Let me count the ways. It talks to me when I want a conversation, but never when I’m busy. It provides me a great deal of pleasure without asking much in return. Outside of being plugged in, it’s not very needy at all. It gives me an endless array of entertainment that is determined by me, and only me. As far as the power balance goes in this relationship, it rests securely in my hands.
All men really want is power, you know. If you don’t believe me, just look up: history of modern civilization.
Having my smartphone in my hands this Valentine’s Day is power, and I love that. Here’s what it means for me: I don’t have to express myself in that messy, give-and-take, in-depth fashion that my wife is expecting over dinner. She wants connection. I’ve got 4G.
Okay, I don’t think she’s going to be happy. She likes to dig deep and find out what going on in that noggin’ of mine. I always told her that I was an enigma-wrapped-in-a-riddle, and now I can add digital distraction to my levels of impenetrability. Try prying that sucker open.
She should have been expecting this, though. Hasn’t she been reading the news? The tech industry has disrupted music, transportation, and publishing.
It’s about time tech disrupted Valentine’s Day.
So this Valentine’s Day when I’m sitting at my overbooked restaurant serving overpriced specials, I can at least be comforted by the fact that I have my emotional escape hatch sitting right there on the table. It winks at me all the time, ready when I am. Every awkward pause, which I hear happens every seven minutes, is an opportunity to look deep into her brilliant blue eyes.
Siri has the most beautiful glow.
David Ryan Polgar is a digital lifestyle expert who explores our relationship with technology from a legal, ethical, emotional, and sociological perspective. Having a background as an attorney and educator, he brings a unique viewpoint to tech commentary, emerging trends, and as the Communications Director for the startup Copilot Family. Find him on Twitter @TechEthicist.
Photo Courtesy of Yutaka Tsutano [FLICKR]