Negotiation feels like a special occasion, something you prep for with a pitch deck and a smart blazer. In reality, it shows up everywhere: when you land your first client, work with prospective partners or need to raise your prices. Every conversation that involves value, boundaries or decision-making is a negotiation, whether you’re calling it that or not.
In a recent Lioness webinar, “Start, Scale, Exit: Why You Need to Become a Better Negotiator,” we spoke with Alla Adam, an investor, three-time founder, TEDx speaker and, for good measure, an actual pilot. She breaks down what strategic negotiation looks like at every stage of your business—and how to stop making deals that leech away at your leverage.
Start: Who are you, really?
Starting a business is chaotic. You’re constantly pitching yourself to clients, customers, investors and partners. According to Adam, that’s exactly where the first negotiation begins. Before there’s even a contract on the table, you’re already negotiating how you’re seen and what you’re worth.
“Every beginning—pitching a company, applying to TEDx, stepping into a new leadership role, selling your startup—contains three simultaneous negotiations,” Adam said. “Number one is identity: who am I in this room? Number two is scarcity. You can’t look too flexible, too available, or too grateful, or you give away your power. You need to be a scarce resource. Number three is intent: why you, why now, why this?”
Better negotiation starts by tightening your internal pitch. An elevator pitch is one thing; you also need to know what you stand for, what you won’t tolerate and what a “yes” is worth to you.
Early-stage founders are often starved for opportunity, but if you give up too much too soon, you set a precedent that’s hard to undo. Rates, timelines, scope, tone… concessions create future expectations. If the deal feels off, don’t fear the walk. Some opportunities aren’t worth it.
Scale: Avoid the validation trap
You’re getting traction. The meetings are stacking up. You’re expanding your team, chasing funding and fielding offers that would’ve felt unrealistic six months ago. The momentum is magnificent and terrifying.
As you scale, you’ll feel the pressure to go faster, to show your commitment, to always say yes. If you’re not careful, you’ll start negotiating from fear. According to Adam, most negotiations are.
“Even the most professional, high-level negotiations you can think of are done from fear. And [that’s when you see] rushing, apologizing, over-explaining, discounting, softening…”
At this stage, founders often fall into three common traps:
- Negotiating from a need for validation
- Negotiating with urgency
- Negotiating without clear non-negotiables.
The third one, she warned, is the trickiest. “You tend to think that scale negotiations need to happen no matter what—because you’ve already started, so now it’s time to grow. But this is where you overturn your own values just to get that validation right here, right now.”
The chase for a quick win can be costly. Under pressure, founders sometimes make major concessions—like surrendering more equity than they’d planned.
Adam urges founders to go into these conversations clear-headed. Know your boundaries before the meeting begins because you’re far more likely to cave once you’re in the room. She compares it to a pilot’s decision altitude, that critical point in flight where you either commit to the landing or pull up.
Exit: Leave on your own terms
You’ll probably never feel ready for your exit. But, as Adam points out, at the exit stage, steadiness matters more than how prepared you feel. When the stakes rise, do your decisions hold? Can people trust that your choices are consistent, even under pressure?
The good news: by the time you’re preparing to exit (whether that means selling the company, stepping back from leadership or closing a major deal), you hold a ton of leverage. You’ve built something valuable. You’ve got traction, proof and power.
The key is knowing how to use it. Hold the line on what matters. As with any negotiation, leverage means nothing if you give it away too early.
As Adam says, “Clarity before movement, courage before approval and never, ever negotiate with yourself.”
To hear more from Alla Adam
Connect with her on LinkedIn and check out her website. Her book, Time. Money. Status. Relationships. Peace of mind. is available on Kindle and in hardcover.
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