One time, at the end of a super fascinating online conference, the organizers brought us all back together for virtual networking. Neat. I get dropped into a breakout video room with one of the event organizers (EO), the platform administrator (PA) and a lovely couple from the UK (2UK, for the purposes of my story). EO and 2UK know each other and immediately dive into a conversation. During the rapid-fire conversation, I introduce myself to PA using the chat function because there seems to be little chance of us getting a word in edgewise.
We’re having a really nice conversation—we have some things in common—and we’re very much enjoying getting to know each other. But after about five minutes, I’m starting to wonder if EO and 2UK have completely forgotten we’re here. I say as much to PA… via chat. Still not the slightest chance to break into the physical conversation going on.
Both of us start looking for a way to break in. And then it comes. 2UK realize that we have been left out and attempt to bring us into the conversation. “So, Bobbie and PA, have you ever been to the UK?”
I unmute and EO launches into a long story about how he’s never been there, obviously thinking the question was directed to him. I hastily mute and break out laughing. PA is obviously giggling behind her muted microphone. EO has no idea that we are there. What’s happening here? I’m puzzled.
PA is the first to crack. She unmutes and interrupts EO. Announces she has to leave the breakout room to bring an end to the session. I unmute and chime in, “Yes, I need to get some work done myself.”
EO visibly starts. “I thought you had left.”
Depending on your screen view, in some video conferencing platforms, non-contributing session members aren’t shown on the screen. In Zoom, if you select “speaker view”, you will only see the people engaged in speaking.
In other words: Speak up, or you are invisible.
How to make yourself heard
Breakout rooms can move fast. Here’s how to make sure you’re part of the conversation:
- Introduce yourself early and contribute to the conversation within the first few minutes.
- Jump in politely when there’s a pause. There’s no prize for waiting.
- Use people’s names and respond directly to something already said—it’s the most natural way to enter a conversation already in progress.
- If the verbal conversation is crowded, use the chat to signal interest or add a comment.
- Keep your camera on and stay visually engaged.
- If you’ve been overlooked, advocate for yourself: “I’d love to add something here.”
Tips for event organizers
The flow of a breakout room is yours to set. A few intentional moves make a big difference:
- Give everyone a chance to introduce themselves before the conversation takes off.
- Leave pauses between comments so others have room to join.
- If someone’s gone quiet, invite them in by name with an open question.
- Monitor both the video room and the chat.
- Resist the urge to catch up with people you already know when new participants are in the room.
- Remember: on some platforms, quiet participants literally disappear from view. Check gallery mode and look for anyone who hasn’t spoken yet.
Of course, virtual networking is just one part of a much bigger challenge. Knowing how to show up and actually connect takes practice. If you want to go deeper on the subject, Lioness member Diane Darling literally wrote the book on networking. Her tips are practical and specific; they’re the kind you’ll actually remember—starting with where to put your name badge.
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