It Doesn’t Have to Be Lonely at the Top

Recently, a client said to me, “It’s lonely at the top.” They were describing the burden of making major decisions that affect their company, customers, employees and shareholders. This kind of leadership loneliness often stems from carrying responsibility without complete information, knowing stakeholders may criticize every choice and realizing the impact won’t be fully understood for months or even years.

Such is the role of CEOs, Presidents, COOs and any other leader at the top of the organization chart. In highly visible roles, they are the object of scrutiny, criticism, compliments and awards. There is rarely an “off” button in their 24/7 schedules. Instead, there’s a constant sacrifice of personal time and unending requests to accomplish more in their positions.

Every personal comment or behavior is considered a reflection of the organization they lead. The vast amount of business information they consume, the discussions they engage in, the crises they manage and the overall organizational health are discussed only by the select few leaders with whom they can confide.

It’s common for these leaders to talk about missing their children’s events, not taking all of their “allotted” time off, multitasking on business calls during family vacations, working weekends and more.

And even with this knowledge, it’s lonely at the top. Until you sit in that seat, you cannot fully appreciate the weight of the role: the physical, emotional, and mental demands and the everyday challenges of accomplishing organizational goals.

How to manage leadership loneliness

If you’re in one of these leadership roles, it’s important to use a variety of approaches to achieve greater balance. Consider these strategies:

• Find a mentor. Someone who has held a similar role in the past, who understands the environment, can provide insights on how to achieve greater balance and share their approaches to challenges.
• Find a coach. Someone who can partner with you to improve leadership skills, manage complex situations, set goals and ensure professional growth. Coaches often use assessment tools to better understand personality traits and help leaders apply their natural styles to become more effective.
• Join a group of sitting CEOs. Peer learning groups can be effective in providing feedback, asking key questions and providing a supportive environment to leaders with similar responsibilities. It’s a place of confidentiality where they can let down their guard and glean insights from one another.
• Find advisors. Think of leaders whose expertise you respect and who have offered valuable perspectives in the past. They may be your direct reports, colleagues in other industries or past co-workers. Connect with them periodically to maintain relationships, discuss current events and gain a better understanding of issues.
• Identify trusted team members. Choose one or two individuals who report to you and can provide transparent yet respectful feedback. They are invested in the success of the organization and your leadership, and they see you in a variety of contexts that others are not privy to.
• Nurture relationships with trusted friends. While you can’t share confidential information with them, these are people who keep you grounded, provide balance, understand the demands of your role and help you enjoy life outside of work. They can hold you accountable to family responsibilities and let you know when you’re off base.
• Prioritize family members. No position should be more important than your family. Hopefully, you have nurtured these relationships for years and continue to find ways to be present for them, meet their needs and show mutual value.
• Read and learn. As the business, political and global environments continue to shift, so must your knowledge of competitive threats and opportunities. The skills and knowledge required of CEOs have become more complex in recent years, making it vital to carefully weigh every decision in these new contexts.
• Journal. Use this time for reflection, improving self-awareness and prioritizing every aspect of your life. Focus on your personal vision to ensure it stays aligned with the organization’s vision and interests.

Building community

All leaders need a truth-teller: someone willing to speak into their life and tell them when they’re off base or need to rethink their actions. Truth-tellers reflect the leader’s beliefs and behaviors back to them, and these approaches provide the environment for this to happen. The goal is to build a sense of community where leaders feel supported as they navigate a myriad of stakeholder expectations.

Left unchecked, leadership loneliness translates into inappropriate behaviors, insular decisions and communications, and may show a need to improve emotional intelligence. Building community strengthens leaders’ capabilities and capacity. It doesn’t have to be lonely at the top.